Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
