The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
