you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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