I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
