He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
