I murdered the dance floor call the cops
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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