dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
