What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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