the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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