WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
