In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
