I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
