my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
please don't ironically join a cult
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