It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
