You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
