If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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