therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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