The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
