i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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