apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
