It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
