How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
