You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Randomize
