just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
