I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
