captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
