do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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