even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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