I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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