Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
