His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
