So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
