Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
