yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
