Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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