you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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