Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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