Your face is a jimmy john
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
