i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
