matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
