She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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