the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
