she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Randomize
