dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
wow bdsm is so cute
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
