and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
