I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
