God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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