can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
