Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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