Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
