How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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