I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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