Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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