I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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